The Quick Fix
by MyGirlCrais
Summary: Sequel to 'History' and 'Wounds'. Carma told Crais she would never be easy for him. She wasn't kidding.
1. American Pie

Disclaimer: Farscape isn't mine. And if it isn't mine, who cares whose it is? Seriously, it belongs to Jim Henson etc. It's not worth sueing over.  
  
Summary: Crais and Carma discover that the course of true love never does run smooth. In other words, everything that can go wrong, does.  
  
Timing: This is the sequel to 'History' and 'Wounds' and so is post ITLD.  
  
Feedback: Always welcome.  
  
Rating: Definitely R, on several different counts.  
  
A/N: It gets heavy. It wasn't supposed to at the start, but I posted it chapter by chapter and it ended up that way. The sequel to this is less so, but this installment is bumpy. And yes, all the chapter titles are movie titles. Shameless snurching.  
  
Chapter 1: American Pie  
  
"Are you certain?" Crais asked seriously, pausing between kisses.  
  
"I'm certain," Carma answered, kissing him gently. "Nervous...but certain. I can't keep putting this off."  
  
"I have no intention of forcing you to...."  
  
"I know that," Carma interrupted softly. "I want this too. I've just been a bit...apprehensive. I'm not sure how this will turn out."  
  
"I thought the ultimate goal was fairly clear."  
  
"You know what I mean," Carma said, blushing slightly. "I've haven't tried to do this since...I'm not sure what to expect."  
  
"I will...make every effort to shoulder the greater burden of responsibility."  
  
"I'm sure you will," Carma said, teasing. "I couldn't expect you to break the habit of a lifetime."  
  
Under the circumstances, Crais chose to respond to that with a chuckle instead of a frown. He paused just long enough to kiss her again before lifting her into his arms and carrying her to his bed. As he set her down he noticed her grinning at him.  
  
"What is so amusing?" he asked, frowning.  
  
"Nothing," Carma said, still grinning. "I just always wondered what it would be like to have someone do that." To Crais' surprise she grabbed a handful of his jacket and pulled him down onto the bed with her. "And now," she said, moving her body closer to his and giving him a look he'd never seen from her before, "my fantasy man is here in the flesh."  
  
Crais gave her one of his smouldering looks. The ones that, in the past two monens, had resulted in more cold showers than she'd ever had in her life before. Only this time she had no intention of trying to cool off. He claimed her mouth with his own and Carma sighed happily, willingly allowing her body to melt into his.  
  
They slowly began undressing each other. Carma moaned softly when Crais' hands found her breasts, instinctively arching her back to press herself closer. He gently caressed her nipples, sending ripples of pleasure spiralling in all directions, her body responding eagerly to what it had been denied for so long.  
  
Before long Carma was only vaguely conscious of what he was doing. Her body was thrilling under his touch and she only cared that he didn't stop. The floor slowly became carpeted in black leather as Crais' hands moved further down her body.  
  
The microt he went to remove her underwear, Carma froze from head to toe. In the same microt her mood went from happiness to strained misery. Just when she'd thought she had overcome her fears, her unconscious had stabbed her in the back once again.  
  
"Carma?" Crais asked, concerned. She couldn't help noticing how much shallower his breathing was than usual.  
  
"I...I'm sorry," she said, tears already threatening to start. "I'm so sorry, I just...I just can't."  
  
She rolled back off the bed and struggled back into her trousers and shirt. Crais sat up behind her and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. Her body felt tense enough to snap at any moment, her shoulders were already shaking from tears. She felt frustrated, angry and worthless all at once. She'd been so sure and now here she was...a failure.  
  
"Carma, I...."  
  
She ignored him. At that moment she couldn't bear even to look him in the eye. She grabbed her boots and ran out.  
  
***  
  
Crais stood in command, for once thankful that he no longer had Talyn's constant stream of thought through his mind. Carma had been avoiding him for the last two solar days. He had gone after her when she had run and tried to talk to her, but she'd plainly just wanted him to leave. He'd guessed, correctly, that his presence had only served as a reminder. Since then he had left it to her to approach him, but it didn't seem as if this was something she would get over anytime soon.  
  
He heard the doors open behind him and turned, hoping that her presence there was not by accident. Her face looked drawn and she seemed subdued, but composed.  
  
"Hi," she whispered.  
  
Crais smiled at her, uncertain exactly how he should proceed, relieved when she moved closer.  
  
"About..." she began, "Crais I'm...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...."  
  
She broke off. Crais took a step forward and folded her in his arms. Fortunately for him she allowed herself to be held.  
  
"I am not angry," he murmured into her hair. "It was...beyond your control."  
  
"Yeah," Carma replied, sounding far from happy, "and I hate that as much as you would. It just isn't fair! This isn't supposed to be so hard. Why can't I just take a pill, or do a ritual, or just...wake up one morning with all my problems gone away?"  
  
"I'm afraid that life is not so simple," Crais said quietly.  
  
"Tell me something I don't know," Carma replied, shaking her head. "But why does it always have to be this hard. Kren, it would be so much easier to just...."  
  
"Die?" Crais asked, looking her straight in the eye.  
  
"I didn't really mean that," Carma said, shifting her gaze away from him. "I don't really want to die...I just don't want life to keep being this hard."  
  
"I am afraid that I cannot help you with that."  
  
"I know," Carma replied softly. "You know...maybe we should just forget it."  
  
"Forget what?"  
  
"This, us. How many more signs do we need that this is not going to work?"  
  
"I prefer," Crais said seriously, "not to make a habit of giving up at the first hurdle."  
  
"Bialar, it's not the first by a long way. Nothing has gone right for us. Maybe it's time we just...give up. It's not worth working this hard for."  
  
Crais regarded her silently for a few microts. Then he bent his head and kissed her. Carma responded instinctively, both of them feeling what they always did when they kissed. Something neither of them had ever felt before.  
  
"I believe," Crais replied, when he had pulled away, "that it is."  
  
***  
  
"Remind me again why we're meeting Moya?" Carma asked.  
  
Crais raised an eyebrow. "It was your idea," he said, amused.  
  
"I remember discussing it," Carma said, sheepishly. "Then I remember that truly lethal bottle of Tarkalian brandy. That's about it. I haven't the faintest idea what we decided."  
  
"What we decided was that, as Talyn has little guidance at the present time, he should spend more time with Moya."  
  
"I said that?"  
  
"Approximately."  
  
Carma looked surprised. "Maybe I wasn't quite as out of it as I thought I was."  
  
Crais didn't answer.  
  
"Then again, maybe not," Carma said, noticing the expression on his face.  
  
***  
  
Both were surprised that no-one came to meet them. Crais, who was now accustomed to being greeted by an armed Crichton, most of all. Carma headed to the medilab to find Jool, about the closest thing she had to a friend on Moya.  
  
Jool, for once, didn't seem to have anything to complain about. She seemed thrilled to have Carma there and greeted her with a bear hug.   
  
"It's wonderful to see you!" Jool exclaimed.  
  
"Are you alright?" Carma asked, rather worried at her perky mood.  
  
"Perfectly fine, and don't let's talk about me. How is everything for you?"  
  
"Fine," Carma answered, eyeing Jool like a mysterious new creature.  
  
"Isn't there anything that I can help you with?" Jool asked. "Anything you want to talk about? I don't want anything to bother you. Anything at all."  
  
"Jool...are you sure you're alright? You seem a little...different," Carma said, choosing the least offensive word she could think of.  
  
"I'm fine. But what about you?"  
  
Still eyeing Jool with rather a worried expression, Carma gave up. "Actually...I do have one problem."  
  
"Uh-huh?" Jool said, with the air of a therapist working on commission.  
  
"I don't know if I should discuss this with you," Carma said, looking uncomfortable.  
  
"I promise I will say nothing about what you tell me," Jool said, her eyes wide. "I only want to help."  
  
"Well...it's...it's me and Crais. We've...hit a problem."  
  
"What kind of problem?"  
  
"It's sort of...personal."  
  
"Ah," Jool said, "go on."  
  
"Not many people know this," Carma said, still feeling uneasy, "but, a few cycles ago, I...was raped."  
  
"Oh no!" Jool gasped, in shock. "How awful for you!"  
  
"Yeah and now.... A few days ago, umm...me and Crais, well...we were...we were going to...well, you know, but I just...couldn't. I...froze up and...I don't know what to do."  
  
"Well," Jool said, her forehead wrinkling, "what if you tried to focus on the good experiences you've had instead of the bad?"  
  
Carma blushed. "Well...the thing is...I have none. This thing with Crais...it's really my first time."  
  
Jool looked astonished.   
  
"Well, I was a carer," Carma said, avoiding her gaze. "Carers are forbidden to marry and dating is strongly discouraged. It's really impossible to fit anyone in, the whole point is that you're completely devoted to your patient. I always knew that and I always wanted to be a carer so I just...didn't bother. If I'd fallen for someone then my career would have been over before it even began."  
  
She paused. "It's ridiculous, isn't it? I'm seventy-three cycles old and trying to learn how to date."  
  
"You're seventy-three?" Jool exclaimed.  
  
"My species are quite long-lived, about two hundred cycles on average," Carma said. "And I've always looked younger than I am. Don't look so stunned, it isn't that unusual. Crais is even older than me."  
  
"How old?" Jool asked curiously.  
  
"I'm not sure exactly, I think he's a little touchy about it, but he must be coming up to his first century pretty soon. Sebaceans and Teraxians seem to age about the same." Carma paused. "I don't know if we'll be over to get through this."  
  
"If there's anything I can do...." Jool offered, sympathetically.  
  
"Don't tell Crais I told you about it," Carma said with half a smile. "Other than that, there's nothing. It looks like it'll take a miracle for things to work out between us."  
  
***  
  
For the first time he could remember, Crais was concerned about Crichton. He'd found him in Moya's command, working on something in a notebook. According to Pilot, none of the others except Jool were on board.  
  
"Where are the others?"  
  
Crichton shrugged, not even looking up from his work.  
  
"Why are they not aboard Moya?"  
  
"They went down to that commerce planet."  
  
"And they have not returned?"  
  
"Naa."  
  
"When did they leave here?"  
  
"Some time yesterday."  
  
"And are you not even slightly concerned that they have not returned?" Crais asked.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Not even about Aeryn?"  
  
Crichton looked at Crais like he was mad. "Why would I care about her?" he asked.  
  
Something was very, very wrong. Having given up on Crichton, Crais tried Pilot again.  
  
"I do not understand anymore than you do Crais," Pilot said apologetically. "The others have been acting very strangely for several solar days now and I am no wiser about the cause."  
  
Crais nodded. "Where is Carma?" he asked, determined to find out her observations of Jool.  
  
"She returned to Talyn approximately half an arn ago."  
  
"Alone? In our transport pod?"  
  
"Yes Crais."  
  
"I will require the loan of one of Moya's pods to return," Crais said, irritated.  
  
"Very well."  
  
"I will consult with Carma and return shortly."  
  
"Thank you Crais."  
  
Crais marched to the hanger, both concerned and irritated. When he arrived back on Talyn he activated the internal scans to find Carma. To his surprise, it showed her in his quarters. What reason could she have for being there?  
  
He marched down the corridor until he reached them, swiftly activating the door controls and stepping inside. The lights were off. In a microt he felt himself grabbed and thrust against the wall.  
  
"Carma!" he said, caught off guard. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Talking wastes too much time," Carma replied. "It would be so much easier if I just show you."  
  
If it hadn't been for decades of Peacekeeper training in how to control his emotions, some two hours later Crais would have been walking around with a silly grin on his face. 


	2. Disturbing Behaviour

Chapter 2: Disturbing Behaviour  
  
"Crais, Officer Sun and D'Argo are now returning to Moya." Pilot's voice came over the comm and forced Crais to wake up.   
  
"Thank you Pilot," he replied, moving to get up. "Maybe they will be able to provide us with some answers."  
  
"Another arn won't make much difference," Carma murmured, kissing his neck. "They can wait."  
  
"Carma...did anything unusual happen to you yesterday?" Crais asked.  
  
"I thought you would have remembered," Carma answered, pouting. "You were the cause of it."  
  
"I meant before that."  
  
Carma thought a second, a reluctant expression on her face. "I went to Moya, I spoke with Jool, I came back here. So no, nothing. Why?"  
  
"You have been acting a little...out of the ordinary."  
  
"I didn't expect you to complain."  
  
"I am not complaining," Crais said, smiling at her. "I was merely...wondering what could have caused your...change of heart."  
  
"Jool and I had a really good talk and I started feeling better."  
  
"You discussed our situation with Jool?" Crais asked in disbelief.  
  
"Sure," Carma said, "why not?"  
  
"I would...much prefer it if our personal lives were not the subject of discussion. With Jool or anybody else."  
  
"You're too worried about hiding things, Crais," Carma said, completely unconcerned. "It worked didn't it?"  
  
"That is not the point."  
  
"Whatever. Let's go sort this out and then we can get back to what actually matters."  
  
She rolled off the bed and pulled on her clothes. Crais watched her, again with the uneasy feeling that something was wrong.  
  
***  
  
"Where is it?" D'Argo demanded.  
  
"Where's what?" Crichton asked, annoyed at being interrupted.  
  
"Where is what?" D'Argo repeated. "Where is the Kranlit?"  
  
"Why the hell should I know?"  
  
"Maybe because it was your little tralk who brought it on board," D'Argo replied, gesturing to Aeryn.  
  
"Hey, what she does is not my fault. All anybody does around here is blame me! She brought it aboard, blame her."  
  
"The trader said it could help Talyn," Aeryn said, her lower lip thrust out, "I'm sorry."  
  
Crais, having heard all this, felt like he'd just entered a parallel universe where nothing made sense. Was he the only one still behaving normally?  
  
"What is a Kranlit, where did you store it and how exactly will it help Talyn?" he asked, trying to get some answers.  
  
"It was supposed to be stored in the cargo bay. No-one knows what it is because this little piece of dren didn't bother to ask or to tell anyone that she'd bought it," D'Argo said, again indicating Aeryn.  
  
"I just wanted to help Talyn," Aeryn sobbed, now in tears. "I didn't know."  
  
"And now it has escaped?" Crais asked, trying to keep the conversation on track.  
  
"Well I had to let it go," Jool pointed out. "It was just cruel to keep it locked up like that. Leaving that defenceless creature all alone...." she broke off, also dissolving into tears.  
  
D'Argo shot Crichton a look of pure contempt. "What the frell were you doing allowing this female access to the Kranlit? You might have known she'd only do something stupid like this."  
  
"Look, D'Argo I'm not her keeper, alright? I don't care what she does. If you care so much why didn't you watch her?"  
  
D'Argo growled. "Why don't we just lock them all up? That will save us the trouble of baby-sitting them."  
  
"Fine by me," Crichton replied, shrugging. "Do what you want, just don't expect me to help."  
  
"Maybe I should just lock you up with them?"  
  
"You wanna try it?"  
  
"Maybe I do."  
  
Crais was about to try again to get the information he wanted when he heard a pulse shot behind him. Everyone stopped talking and spun round.  
  
"Enough already!" Carma exclaimed, lowering her gun from the ceiling. "Everyone shut up, sit down and listen to Bialar. The sooner he finds out what's going on, the sooner he'll fix it, quit worrying about you lot and go back to frelling me!"  
  
"Screw that," Crichton said. "I'm not going to help Crais get some when I'm not getting any."  
  
"Oh Crichton," Aeryn breathed, "I will if you want me to."  
  
Crichton turned to look at her. "Yeah?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I wouldn't want you to be unhappy," Jool interrupted as Aeryn nodded, "I will too if you want."  
  
Crichton grinned. "I'll see you in a few arns," he said to D'Argo, starting to get up.  
  
"No-one," Crais said, now at the end of his tether, "is going anywhere. Nobody on this ship will be recreating with anyone else on this ship until we have solved our current problem! Is that perfectly clear?"  
  
Carma groaned in the background.  
  
"Now," Crais said, ignoring the look Crichton was giving him, "what, *exactly* does this Kranlit look like?"  
  
***  
  
"That's it?" Carma asked in disbelief. "That is what we wasted three arns of good frelling time trying to find?"  
  
She crouched down, looking into the impromptu cage they had constructed. The creature resembled a small dragon, except with fur.  
  
"Well, as fun as this has been," Crichton said, "I have a previous engagement. Ladies...."  
  
"Not," Crais said firmly, "until we have determined what effect it has had on all of you and how to reverse it."  
  
"What effect?" Jool asked. "It hasn't had any effect on me."  
  
Carma snorted. "Yeah, because you've always been such a selfless person."  
  
"Have I done something to upset you?" Jool asked, instantly worried. "Please, tell me how to make it right?"  
  
"Can it understand us?" Crais asked, ignoring them.  
  
"Yes," the creature answered in a high voice.  
  
"Can you explain what has been happening?"  
  
"Hungry. Food. So hungry."  
  
"And your food is what? Personality traits?" Carma asked.  
  
"Must. Have. Food."  
  
"It seems that you have been feeding quite enough," Crais answered.  
  
"Cannot...digest. Wrong...sort."  
  
"And the correct sort is...leviathan," Crais finished.  
  
It nodded its head.  
  
"Which is how you could be used to repair Talyn."  
  
"Must have food."  
  
"Can you restore what you have...eaten?" Crais asked.  
  
"Must have food."  
  
"We can provide food for you if you replace what you have taken. Do you agree?"  
  
It nodded again.  
  
Crais slowly opened the cage and removed the creature. "Crichton," he said.  
  
"Why me?" Crichton asked, keeping hold of Aeryn.  
  
Crais ignored his question. "Come here."  
  
Crichton, with a mutinous expression, crouched down beside Crais. The creature immediately sank its teeth into Crichton's arm.  
  
"Oww, frell!" Crichton said, yanking his arm back as soon as he could. "That thing bit me I.... Damn, what happened?"  
  
"Next," Crais said, preferring to leave explanations for the end.  
  
One by one the crewmembers were restored to normal. Jool sat in a corner, moaning to everyone and no-one about the bite marks in her arm. Crichton tried not to look at Jool. Aeryn glared at Crichton. D'Argo looked sheepishly at Aeryn.  
  
"I won't do it," Carma said when it was her turn, folding her arms. "I want to stay like this."  
  
"Carma...your judgement is impaired. You have no inhibitions. You cannot remain like this," Crais replied.  
  
"I don't care," Carma said, "I won't do it. I'm staying like this. I won't go back there."  
  
"You must."  
  
"No!" she suddenly screamed. "I won't go back there, I won't. You don't understand. I've been falling for so long and it's finally stopped. I'm free and I won't give it up. I have enough judgement to know that this is the best I've felt in cycles and I won't go back to being sick! I can't, I won't."  
  
"Carma I cannot allow you to remain like this, you will cause yourself injury."  
  
"Since when do you get to decide what I can and cannot do?" Carma demanded. "The decision is mine, I've made it and if you continue to interfere I will never speak to you again. We're through."  
  
Behind Carma, Crichton and Aeryn looked at Crais. He nodded. Much as they didn't like it, they knew what had to be done.  
  
"No! Get off me! Please don't do this!" Carma exclaimed, struggling as they held her down. "I won't go back there, I won't."  
  
That was as far as she got before the Kranlit sank its teeth into her arm. She stopped struggling and they let her sink to the floor as it did its job.  
  
"Carma?" Crais asked.  
  
She sat up and met his gaze. Her eyes were filled with a mixture of anguish and hatred.  
  
"How could you do this to me?" she asked, tears falling down her cheeks.  
  
"I had to," Crais answered, knowing it wasn't any comfort.  
  
Her punch was almost hard enough to knock him out. She got to her feet and stormed out.  
  
***  
  
"Talyn?" Carma said softly. "Can you hear me? Once for yes, two for no remember?"  
  
The lights dimmed once.  
  
"You're going to be fixed soon, Talyn," she said, reaching out to stroke her hand down one of the walls of command. "They're going to fix you so you won't feel bad anymore. You'll be stable, able to cope. No more mood swings, no more paranoia. Does that sound good, Talyn?"  
  
The lights dimmed once again as Talyn made excited sounds.  
  
"Talyn I understand how you've been feeling because I feel the same," Carma continued, "and nobody is here to fix me. But you could, if you wanted to. Would you do that for me Talyn? Do you care enough to help me?"  
  
It seemed that he did.  
  
"They're going to bring this little animal aboard. It will bite you, and it will probably hurt, but he's going to take the pain away from you. If you give me the hand of friendship, we'll be one and he can take it away from me as well. Will you do that for me Talyn?"  
  
Behind her a panel opened on the floor and the hand of friendship slowly made its way up.  
  
"Thank you Talyn," Carma said, anxiety turning to joy, "I promise I will not try to command you. You will be free...and healthy."  
  
She knelt down, lifted her hair away from her neck and waited. The pain was sharp and made her cry out but, in a second, her mind was filled with Talyn. She breathed a sigh of amazement.   
  
"This is incredible Talyn," she said, a smile breaking over her face. She rose, immediately beginning to stretch out her mind, exploring him from the entirely new perspective.  
  
*They are here.* Talyn's voice echoed through her mind.  
  
*Then we must get ready.* Carma thought back, knowing that Talyn would understand her.  
  
*Your mind feels different.*  
  
*To what? To Crais'?*  
  
*Yes.*  
  
*Maybe my species reacts differently to this. How does it feel different?*  
  
*More open. More blended with mine.*  
  
*I know Talyn, I feel it too.*  
  
*You...understand...much faster.*  
  
*I can see them coming here,* Carma said suddenly, *we must stop talking. Bialar mustn't know what we've done.*  
  
*I will say nothing.*  
  
The doors to command opened. Carma raised her head, avoiding Crais' gaze.  
  
"I have...brought the Kranlit to repair Talyn," Crais said, clearing his throat.  
  
"So repair him," Carma said, turning away and moving towards the front of command, thankful that her hair hid the transponder.  
  
Crais looked as though he wanted to say something else, but didn't know what. Sighing, he set the cage down and opened it. The Kranlit climbed out and scuttled quickly to an available piece of Talyn's flesh.  
  
"Talyn this may hurt but it is for your own good," Crais told him. "Try not to panic."  
  
Talyn flashed his lights once, sounding far happier than Crais had expected. The Kranlit immediately sank its teeth into Talyn.  
  
Talyn rumbled like thunder overhead, but that Crais had been expecting. What he hadn't expected was for Carma to suddenly grab the back of her neck and drop to her knees. He started towards her just as the rumbling above him ceased.  
  
"Carma?" he asked. "What is wrong?"  
  
Still facing away from him, she unsteadily got to her feet and stood up. Then she turned. Her eyes were lit up with wonder as she looked around her and at her own hands in front of her.  
  
"It is incredible," she breathed.  
  
"Are you alright?" Crais asked.  
  
"I'm fine," she answered in wonder, "I never imagined that it would be like this...to see everything from a body like yours."  
  
Crais stared at her. "Talyn?" he asked, stunned.  
  
"Yes," she answered, moving forward towards him and reaching out to touch his face. "I can see like you, move like you, feel like you."  
  
"Talyn, what has happened?" Crais asked, in shock. "Where is Carma?"  
  
Talyn in Carma's body smiled beatifically. "She is free," he said happily, "she is gone."  
  
Crais stared at Talyn, his mind racing. He caught a sudden glimpse of something shining and pushed her hair away, spotting the transponder. He had driven her to this.  
  
"Talyn, what do you mean she has gone?" he asked, trying to control the feelings of panic.  
  
"She has gone. She is at peace."  
  
Crais' knees began to buckle under him. "Carma..." he thought desperately, "what have I done?" 


	3. Girl, Interrupted

Chapter 3: Girl, Interrupted  
  
Crais, Talyn and the Kranlit returned to Moya. Crais flew the pod automatically, hardly noticing the journey. He felt numb and half-expected his legs to give way as he climbed out of the pod. They were met by a restless Crichton.  
  
"Crais, what took you so long? I thought you wanted to get that thing back down on the planet as soon as it had finished feeding on Talyn?"  
  
"I, er...have returned it to you," Crais said, every word an effort. "Talyn and I will leave...shortly."  
  
"What about Carma?" Crichton asked in confusion, looking behind Crais. "Don't tell me she's staying here? Is she still pissed at you?"  
  
"That is not Carma," Crais replied, using all his self-control to keep his voice from cracking. "That is Talyn."  
  
"What?" Crichton asked. "What d'you mean 'that's Talyn'? How can she be Talyn?"  
  
"It seems that...after the Kranlit restored her former personality, she...accepted the hand of friendship from Talyn in an effort to...benefit from his treatment. When it fed on Talyn, somehow his...personality overwhelmed hers and she was...lost," Crais replied, not managing to meet Crichton's eyes.  
  
Crichton stared at him. "Carma's dead?"  
  
Then Crais raised his eyes to meet Crichton's. "Yes," he said simply, wanting only to leave Moya be alone with his thoughts.  
  
"And that's...Talyn in her body?" Crichton added, struggling to grasp the situation.  
  
Crais merely nodded this time, words were too much effort. Crichton slowly walked past him, up to the person that until an arn ago had been Carma.  
  
"Talyn?" he asked uncertainly.  
  
"Crichton," Talyn said, reaching out to touch Crichton's face. "I...must tell you that I am...sorry, for how I treat you. I...understand now, that it is wrong."  
  
"Um...apology accepted," Crichton said, too overwhelmed to say anything else.  
  
"I want...to see all of Moya," Talyn said, raising his eyes to the ceiling and looking around him in wonder. "And to see...all of you...from this body."  
  
"Uh...sure," Crichton said. "I'll...give you the grand tour."  
  
"Talyn I will return to T...the ship," Crais told him, in an exhausted voice. "Please ask Pilot to inform me when you wish to return."  
  
"I do this," Talyn agreed. To Crais' surprise he came to him and gave him a hug. Crais was too taken aback, confused and hurt to return it. He slowly climbed back aboard the pod, returning to the ship which had once been Talyn, leaving the new Talyn to explore his new world.  
  
***  
  
"It is...phenomenal," Aeryn said, shaking her head in amazement as she watched Chiana trying to teach Talyn how to eat in his new body.  
  
"Yeah," Crichton said slowly, "but it came at a price. You didn't see Crais when he brought Talyn over. On anybody else that look would have meant they were pretty upset, on Crais it's gotta mean that he's totally devastated."  
  
"How could it have happened?" Aeryn said, asking no-one in particular. "Crais had the transponder for two cycles without this happening. How could Talyn take over Carma?"  
  
"Your guess is as good as mine," Crichton said, smiling at Talyn's efforts when he looked up for approval. "Different species, the whole thing with the Kranlit, I dunno. Have D'Argo and Jool commed in yet?"  
  
"They said they would stay to pick up some other supplies after they returned the Kranlit to the trader we bought it from. I doubt they'll be back anytime soon."  
  
"We've sure got a hell of a story to tell them when they get back," Crichton said. A pause. "Aeryn d'you think I should go talk to Crais?"  
  
"I thought you still hated him," Aeryn replied, looking strangely at him.  
  
"Yeah well," Crichton said, rubbing the back of his neck. "After what he did for us...maybe that helped me hate him a little less. Plus grief doesn't seem to be a good thing for him, it tends to bring out his homicidal tendencies and I'd *really* prefer not to see them again."  
  
"He has nothing to blame you for this time Crichton," Aeryn pointed out. "And, from what I know about Crais, I suspect that he would prefer to be alone."  
  
"Yeah," Crichton said, "and he's not going to go anywhere while Talyn is still with us. But if he starts after someone again, this time I'm gonna kill him first."  
  
"For the moment I think the only one we can help is Talyn," Aeryn said. "Just being joined to him for a short time was an incredible experience for me. For him, being in a completely new body will take some time to get used to."  
  
"Just being in your body was a pretty strange experience," Crichton agreed. "Going from leviathan to...whatever she is...was...must be pretty strange."  
  
"I am certain that Talyn will behave better in her body than you did in mine," Aeryn said, looking sideways at Crichton.  
  
"I don't know," Crichton said thoughtfully. "You put a teenage guy in an adult woman's body? Talyn's gonna have fun dealing with that...."  
  
***  
  
Crais reached his quarters after what felt like a century. He left the lights off, preferring to remain in the dark. Walking over to his bed, he sat down heavily on one side of it and slowly began to remove his boots. All around him there was nothing. No sounds, pure silence. Talyn...no, Talyn's empty shell...had no life. He...it...would continue to function. The controls would function, the weapons would fire, the environmentals would be set. But the consciousness...that was lost.  
  
No, not lost, transferred, but gone from its correct home. Crais had lost the last things that he had. Talyn was free to move, free to live wherever he chose, free to explore worlds he knew only a little about. Carma, the one person who had cared about his future, was lost to him forever. Now he truly was alone.  
  
He continued undressing, deeply-ingrained habit making him fold his clothes instead of letting them lay wherever they fell. Last of all he pulled the thong from his hair and let it fall loose around his shoulders. Finally he lay back, stretched out naked on his bed and stared at the dark ceiling. Then he allowed his self-control to slip away at last. He lay there a long time before he finally fell asleep, hearing only his own heartbeat, feeling only the tears running down his face.  
  
***  
  
"This body...it is strange," Talyn said, his forehead wrinkling in thought.  
  
"How is it strange Talyn?" Aeryn asked. Talyn seemed to naturally gravitate towards her for advice.  
  
"I have...many feelings that I do not understand," Talyn replied, looking uncomfortable.  
  
Aeryn looked over at the others, eating their dinner and not listening to them. "What kind of feelings?" she asked curiously.  
  
"This body...wants things that I do not want."  
  
Aeryn began to understand, Talyn carried on trying to explain. "This body is...female?" he said, uncertain of the new species.  
  
"And your body wants...Crais." Aeryn said, suddenly having to suppress the urge to laugh.  
  
Talyn nodded. "And to me that...does not seem right. Crais is my...." he broke off, trying to work out the word in the new language.  
  
"Captain?" Aeryn suggested.   
  
Talyn shook his head, biting his lip. "He is my...father...and these feelings confuse me."  
  
"Talyn...the body you now have used to belong to Carma," Aeryn explained. "And she and Crais were...involved," she finished, mentally reminding herself of Talyn's age.  
  
"I know," Talyn said, nodding. "I see them."  
  
Aeryn looked at him in surprise.   
  
"I not watch," Talyn insisted, "but I see things sometimes. They do not hide from me, only from each other."  
  
"You will...begin to understand these feelings in time, Talyn," Aeryn told him, not sure what else she could say. "I'm sure it must be very...confusing...at first."  
  
Talyn nodded, not looking entirely comfortable.  
  
"Perhaps," Aeryn suggested, "you should stay on board Moya for a little while. Until you...adjust."  
  
"Leave Crais there...alone?"  
  
"I think he will prefer it...for a short time," Aeryn said, comfortingly.  
  
Talyn nodded. "I like to stay here," he said, "I not see a place like this before."  
  
"There are lots of things to show you," Aeryn agreed, wondering silently how well Talyn would be able to cope.  
  
***  
  
Crais spent the next day doing routine repairs and not thinking. Thinking hurt too much. Aeryn had sent a communication explaining that Talyn would be staying on Moya and Crais was grateful for her help. Looking at Talyn, seeing Carma but knowing that it was Talyn inside her, was more than he could cope with. A dull ache had settled in his chest. The nightmares from when she had been struggling to survive her deuterol withdrawal had come back to him the night before. Only now he saw her ghost, blaming him for her death. Or maybe that was just his own sense of guilt.  
  
He had tried to do what was best for her...and instead he had killed her. He had once promised not to let her die and she had promised him the same. He had broken his word...and she was no longer alive to keep hers.  
  
***  
  
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Crichton said.  
  
"You did offer," Aeryn pointed out. "You told me it would help Talyn's co-ordination."  
  
"Okay, okay. Right Talyn, just do what I do."  
  
Talyn nodded, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated on Crichton.  
  
Crichton took a deep breath, closed his eyes, raised his arms above his head and opened his mouth.  
  
"Head, shoulders, knees and toes."  
  
***  
  
"Hey Crais."  
  
Crais looked up. "Hello Crichton," he said, using his voice for the first time in two solar days. "I...did not know that you were on board."  
  
"Well I just came to give you Talyn's school report," Crichton said, slightly relieved that Crais did not look especially murderous.  
  
"Yes..." Crais said, trying to sound normal. "How...is he doing?"  
  
"Well he's mastered walking, he's still a bit of a messy eater but he'll get the hang of it. Aeryn's...trying to teach him to use other tenses than the present," Crichton said, feeling stupid at trying to have a normal conversation with a man who'd just lost his lover. "He'll be fine. He's having a few problems with the new body, but...." he broke off. "Crais...is there...something I could do?"  
  
"There is nothing," Crais answered flatly.  
  
For the first time in their entire acquaintance, Crichton wished that Crais was lying to him.  
  
***  
  
Crais tossed and turned for arns that night until he finally sank into a mercifully dreamless sleep. His whole body felt drained at the effort of carrying on as normal. All he wanted to do was sleep.   
  
After what felt like only a microt, he felt himself being shaken awake.  
  
"Crais!" he heard. "Crais!"  
  
For a moment all he saw was Carma, then he remembered.  
  
"Talyn," he said, rubbing his eyes. "I thought that you were on Moya."  
  
Talyn looked at him, eyes shining. "I find her!" he exclaimed excitedly.  
  
Crais paused a moment. "What?" he asked, still not quite awake.  
  
"I find her! I find Carma!"  
  
That jerked him awake instantly.  
  
"What do you mean? I thought she was gone?" he asked, longing to believe Talyn.  
  
"I think she is, but I find her!" Talyn insisted.   
  
"Where is she?" Crais asked, his heartbeat doubling in speed.  
  
Talyn didn't answer, instead he put his hands onto the transponder in his neck and closed his eyes.  
  
When he opened them Crais knew instantly that it wasn't Talyn he was looking at.  
  
"Carma," he said in amazement.  
  
"Yeah," she said, her bright eyes shining through the darkness at him. "It's me."  
  
"Carma...what has happened?" Crais asked, his voice cracking.  
  
"Me and Talyn," Carma said, raising her eyes to the ceiling. Crais suddenly realised that he could hear Talyn's usual sounds above him. "We are truly one."   
  
"How?" Crais asked, reaching out to touch her face.  
  
"I don't know, but we are," Carma said, putting her hand over his, "and we're free, both of us."  
  
"You are no longer feeling your...instability?"  
  
"No," she said softly, "it's gone, Talyn's too. Now we will continue to heal together."  
  
"With Talyn inside your body?" Crais asked, in disbelief.  
  
"It's already been so good for him," Carma said, smiling softly at him, "and I have felt things I've never imagined. We are working together to recover...to grow."  
  
"Carma...why did Talyn believe that you were gone?" Crais asked urgently.  
  
"He is greater than I am, he almost lost me, but I am strong," Carma said, "I am finding my way back."  
  
"Can you not...maintain the link through the transponder and return to your own body?" Crais asked, willing her to say yes.  
  
She looked back at him, her eyes telling him that he would not like what he heard.  
  
"We have to remain like this if we are both to grow," Carma said to him quietly. "One day we will separate...for now, you must be patient. We will be stronger for it when I return to you."  
  
"Can you...return to your own body at any time?"  
  
"It is disorientating for Talyn to move back and forth...but, sometimes, maybe."  
  
She leaned forward, let her fingers trail down his face and kissed him softly. Crais wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss. All too soon, she broke away. "I have to go back," she said quietly.  
  
Crais nodded, still looking at her. She looked back at him. "I love you," she said softly. "It won't be long, I promise."  
  
"I love you too," Crais replied, equally softly. She smiled at him. "I know," she said simply.  
  
She blinked and then she was gone...and Talyn was back in her body.  
  
"Do you speak with her?" Talyn asked anxiously.  
  
"Yes Talyn," Crais replied, clearing his throat in a effort to get rid of the lump in it. "I spoke to her."  
  
"She explain to you?"  
  
"Yes, Talyn. I...understand."  
  
"It is not long," Talyn added. "I try to...learn fast."  
  
"I...am sure that you will," Crais replied.  
  
Talyn paused, looking awkward. "She love you," he said abruptly.  
  
Crais managed a smile. "I know." 


	4. Dead Man Walking

Chapter 4: Dead man walking  
  
Crichton stood outside the cell, looking in on its new occupant. He kept one hand on Winona, never taking his eyes from the heavily chained prisoner.  
  
"You wanna give me one reason why I shouldn't just kick your bony, black-leather-coated ass out of the nearest airlock?" Crichton asked, his eyes narrow and cold.  
  
"I have information that will be of use to you."  
  
"Ding! I'm sorry, that is the wrong answer. But you won't go away empty handed, you will receive our lovely consolation prize. What is it tonight Tina?" Crichton bellowed, doing his best game show host impression.  
  
"Then what is the right answer?"  
  
"There *is* no right answer," Crichton said, his lips thin. "You tortured me, now I've had my revenge. We're through, Scorpy, go find yourself another girlfriend."  
  
"You did more than get revenge on me!" Scorpius spat. "You destroyed the universe's only chance of defeating the Scarrans. When they attack, and they will attack, we will all be defenceless. They will eliminate every race until they are all that is left. And that will include Earth."  
  
"Better the devil you know, is it? Who do I want to invade Earth, Scarrans or Peacekeepers? You know Scorpy," Crichton said, crouching down outside Scorpius' cell, "I prefer neither. I've destroyed your wormhole project and I'll face the Scarrans when they come. One evil at a time. Now tell me again...why shouldn't I kill you?"  
  
Scorpius grunted. "Would you really kill me?"  
  
Crichton smirked. "You really think that I wouldn't? You'd kill me."  
  
"No," Scorpius replied, shaking his head. "I have never wanted you dead. In fact your life is of great importance to me. My actions on the command carrier should confirm that."  
  
"Okay so you'd torture me instead," Crichton replied, standing up again. "I don't find that comforting."  
  
Scorpius opened his mouth to reply, but his words were lost. Movement behind Crichton distracted him and his eyes widened, then narrowed, as he noticed the person who had just entered the room.  
  
"Crais!" he growled.  
  
Crais nodded sharply, coming to stand beside Crichton, his hands folded behind his back. "Scorpius," he replied formally, the slightest hint of a smile in his eyes.  
  
He turned to Crichton, still watching Scorpius out of the corner of one eye, almost enjoying the look of hatred he saw in his eyes.   
  
"Officer Sun requests your presence in command," Crais said to Crichton. "I will take over."  
  
Crichton hesitated, then nodded. "Don't shoot him," he said simply.  
  
He moved towards the door and Crais turned towards the cell. From behind him, Crichton finished his sentence. "I'm the only one who gets to do that."  
  
Crais and Scorpius regarded each other silently for a microt, until they both heard the door close.  
  
"You survived," Scorpius stated.  
  
"I did," Crais answered. "It seems that fortune was on my side."  
  
"Then I hope you realise that you have condemned the entire Sebacean race and probably every other to death with your actions," Scorpius said, venom oozing from him.  
  
Crais smiled grimly. "Allowing the Peacekeepers to wield such a weapon would have done so."  
  
"I do not wish to conquer other races, I merely wish to destroy the Scarrans before they destroy us!"  
  
"Even if you are telling the truth," Crais replied, "there are others in the Peacekeepers who would have used it in that way. I do not in any way regret my decision."  
  
"You did not make that decision to be noble, you made it to get revenge on me!" Scorpius snarled.  
  
"You believe that I was willing to sacrifice my life and that of Talyn in order to get revenge? I'm afraid, Scorpius, that you over-estimate your importance," Crais replied. "Not that getting revenge on you wasn't...an additional pleasure."  
  
"You destroyed my wormhole project, my career and my life."  
  
"As you destroyed mine. Perhaps," Crais said, pausing, a smile tugging at his lips "we are now even."  
  
Scorpius spat on the floor.  
  
***  
  
"You wanna kill him, Crais?" Crichton asked, as Crais walked into command several arns later.  
  
"Do you intend to?"  
  
Crichton shook his head. "I used to think that killing another sentient being was the lowest anyone could stoop to. I've done it too many times these last three cycles. I want him dead, but I don't want to kill him. Are you gonna?"  
  
"No," Crais replied, calmly, "I believe I have...already taken my revenge."  
  
"Yeah," Crichton said, thoughtfully, "I don't think I ever said it, but...that was a pretty great thing you did. Although it would've meant more if you hadn't come back."  
  
Crais raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, for once I didn't mean it like that," Crichton said, rubbing his forehead. "Anyway...thanks."  
  
Crais nodded in acknowledgement.  
  
"What do you intend to do with him?" he asked. "Do you trust his motives for being here?"  
  
Crichton shrugged. "According to Scorpy, Braca double-crossed him, he only just got away. From what I've seen of that guy, I believe it. And with his project destroyed by us, I don't think the PKs are gonna welcome him back with open arms." He scratched his head. "Damn, do we have a sign out front 'Misfit Motel: special rates for ex-Peacekeeper-commanders? First you, now Scorpius. And when you came aboard you stole Talyn...what's he gonna do?"  
  
"I feel confident that we can keep him under control...if we are vigilant," Crais replied.  
  
Crichton groaned, feeling a headache coming on. "Okay, enough of the prison guard stuff for now. How's Talyn?"  
  
Talyn had recently moved back to live with Crais after three monens on Moya. As incredible as it was to be able to look on Talyn in his current form, Crais missed Carma. His longing to see her had intensified over the monens, but she had stuck to her word and allowed Talyn to remain in her body. He was feeling her presence more and more though, as she slowly gained control over Talyn's body.  
  
"He is very well," Crais replied warmly, "and he is making progress in his training. Officer Sun has done an excellent job of instructing him."  
  
"Have you seen Carma?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I figured she'd take some time off occasionally."  
  
"She...informed me that she did not intend to return to her own body for some time," Crais answered.  
  
Crichton nodded. "You miss her?" he asked.  
  
"I...appreciate the logic of her decision."  
  
"That's not what I asked."  
  
"I would...prefer it if I had the opportunity to see her occasionally," Crais replied, his tone making it clear that this was all he was prepared to say on the subject.  
  
"I think that was a yes," Crichton said, grinning. "Damn, who'd have thought it? The big bad PK captain is in love."  
  
Crais shot Crichton a dark look. Crichton just went on grinning. "Crais and Carma, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Carma with a baby carriage."  
  
Crais' head jerked up at that.  
  
"Relax, Crais, it's just a song," Crichton said, laughing at his expression. "Oh man, now I've got this priceless image of you changing diapers. That's a sight I would *love* to see."  
  
"I suspect you will have a long wait."  
  
Crichton smiled as he rose. "You never know, stranger things have happened. You can't plan everything."  
  
He walked out, whistling a tune Crais didn't recognise, leaving him to hope that Crichton's words were not prophetic.  
  
***  
  
"Hey."  
  
Crais looked up in surprise as he entered his quarters, not expecting anyone to be there. Carma smiled at him. "Long time no see."  
  
Crais strode rapidly over to the bed and answered her with a hungry kiss. "Indeed," he answered, when they had come up for air. "To what do I owe this visit?"  
  
Carma wrapped her arms around him. "Talyn told me about finding Scorpius. I didn't get the whole story, but Talyn seems pretty convinced that he's bad news. So I want to hear about that...tomorrow."  
  
"And tonight?"  
  
Carma smiled. "Do you really need me to answer that?"  
  
She saw the smile on Crais' lips for a microt before he kissed her. "You have been gone too long," he murmured.  
  
She closed her eyes as he kissed her neck. "I shouldn't even be here now, but there are limits to my self-control." She paused. "I've missed you."  
  
"And I you," Crais answered, meeting her eyes, his voice low.  
  
She smiled. "Prove it."  
  
"Oh I intend to," Crais replied, his eyes gleaming.  
  
***  
  
"I thought you did not intend to return to your own body," Aeryn said, slowly working her way through a plate of uninspiring food cubes.  
  
"I didn't," Carma replied, sitting down opposite Aeryn and starting her own meal.  
  
"So you're here because of Scorpius?"  
  
Carma half-smiled. "Officially. To be honest, I just wanted to see Crais."  
  
"Or rather, you just wanted to *frell* Crais."  
  
Carma looked sheepish. "Yeah, that's basically it. Hey, everyone has weaknesses. Mine just happens to be him."  
  
"I don't understand your taste," Aeryn said, shaking her head.  
  
"I don't understand yours," Carma said, grinning. "After all," she said, her tone making it clear she was teasing, "why would anyone choose a *boy* over a *man*? Especially one like Crais."  
  
"What? Stubborn, has to be in charge, always plotting something?" Aeryn teased back, in a suspiciously good mood.  
  
Carma gave a suggestive grin. "Oh, if you had seen what I've seen, you'd *know* what I mean."  
  
"I don't want to know," Aeryn laughed back. "Seriously...you love Crais, don't you?"  
  
"Oh yeah," Carma said, sobering up. "Even though I probably shouldn't. We've had a lot of problems and I doubt they're over yet."  
  
"John insists that love conquers all."  
  
Carma sighed. "It would be so easy if he were right."  
  
***  
  
Scorpius sat in his cell. He didn't have a lot of choice about it, since he was still chained up. He was tired, but frankly uncertain as to whether he should risk sleeping here. There were no small number of people here that would be happy to see him dead.  
  
The door to the space outside his cell opened and a figure came in. Scorpius squinted in the darkness to make out who it was. He belatedly recognised her as the woman who had come in with Crais earlier. What she was doing here in the middle of the night he couldn't fathom, she didn't even know him.  
  
She activated the door controls to his cell and stepped inside when the door slid open.   
  
"Why are you here?" Scorpius asked.   
  
"To kill you," was the matter-of-fact response.  
  
"You have no weapon," Scorpius pointed out.  
  
"Don't need one."  
  
She moved closer to him and activated the release mechanism on his suit. There was nothing he could do to resist. His cooling rod holder spun gently outwards. She calmly removed the rod, picked up his reserve supplies and started to leave.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Scorpius asked, conscious of the heat already moving through his body.  
  
"You deserve it."  
  
She walked out, not looking back. Scorpius groaned as the heat began to increase. He struggled against his bonds, knowing he had no chance of breaking through them unarmed. He gazed around in frustration, searching for something he could use, as his vision began to blur and the pain started to take over his body. He saw nothing.  
  
"Crichton!" he screamed. "Crichton!" 


	5. Resident Evil

Chapter 5: Resident Evil  
  
"Who did this?" Crichton asked, as soon as the cooling rod was installed. They had found the case outside the door. How he and Crais had managed to get there in time he didn't know. Instinct had told him that something was wrong...and he'd learnt to trust his instincts.  
  
"Her," Scorpius growled, his throat still dry, eyes shooting daggers at Crais, "the one who was with you."  
  
Crichton turned to look at Crais. Crais cleared his throat. "She is...missing. But I do not believe that she is responsible."  
  
"You think...Talyn? Crichton asked quietly.  
  
"In the time I have known Carma," Crais replied, "I have never found that she has a...casual attitude to taking lives. I do not believe that it can be her. I...do not *want* to believe that it can be Talyn either, but...."  
  
"I thought he was fixed."  
  
"As did I," Crais sighed.   
  
"Either way, we better find her."  
  
"How can the gunship be responsible?" Scorpius demanded. "It was *her* that I saw."  
  
Crais and Crichton exchanged glances, wondering how much to tell him.  
  
"Carma and Talyn are linked. They can move into each other's bodies," Crichton replied, after a pause.  
  
"Whoever is responsible, they very nearly caused my death!"  
  
"And we saved your life," Crichton replied. "Ironic, isn't it?"  
  
They heard the door open and turned. Carma strode in, looking concerned. A low growl escaped Scorpius' throat.  
  
"Crais, what the frell is going on?" she asked. "Aeryn said something about Scorpius being attacked. Who attacked him?"  
  
"Apparently," Crais replied, "you did."  
  
Carma looked at him like he was mad. "Why would I want to attack him? We just met."  
  
"You know his history with Crais," Crichton pointed out.  
  
"Some of it," Carma said, in disbelief, "but that doesn't mean that I'd try to kill him! If I went around killing everyone Crais has ever hated, I'd never do anything else. And I try not to make a habit of killing people."  
  
"How many have you killed?" Crichton asked quietly.  
  
Carma looked soberly back at him. "Two. A guard at the rescue centre when we were trying to rescue Talyn..."  
  
"In self defence," Crais interjected.  
  
"...and my father."  
  
"To relieve his suffering," Crais added hastily, seeing Crichton start to gape at her.  
  
"So, like I said," Carma said, wrapping her arms around herself, "I don't make a habit of it."  
  
Crais looked grimly at Crichton. "Which means that it must have been Talyn," he said.  
  
Carma looked at Crais. "You didn't...actually think that I did it...did you?"  
  
Crais shook his head. "No," he said, "I did not."  
  
"Good," Carma said, not looking entirely convinced. "But it can't have been Talyn. He's fixed now."  
  
"I know who I saw," Scorpius hissed. "It was you, or it was the gunship in your body."  
  
Crichton looked at Crais. "Guess we'd better get that boy in here for a little chat."  
  
"I'll find him," Carma replied. "It is time that I returned to his body anyway."  
  
Giving Crais a last look, she closed her eyes for a microt...and opened them as Talyn. Their ability to change had apparently increased.  
  
He blinked. "This body...feels strange," he said.  
  
"Strange how?" Crichton asked, curiously.  
  
Talyn considered the question. "Very...relaxed," he replied eventually.  
  
Crichton hastily smothered a laugh. For the first time in a long while, Crais blushed. He cleared his throat. "Talyn...we have a situation. Someone attacked Scorpius...in Carma's body. She has denied it. Was it you?"  
  
Talyn looked shocked. "No," he said firmly. "It was not I. I would not do that."  
  
"You...did try to kill me," Crichton pointed out, hesitantly.  
  
"I have learned since then," Talyn insisted. "I would not do that now. Being in this body, sharing with Carma...I understand more."  
  
"I believe you Talyn," Crais said firmly. "I...suggest that you return to the ship. I will follow...shortly."  
  
When he had gone, Crichton turned to Crais. "You really believe him?"  
  
Crais sighed. "Yes, I believe him. But...one of them must be lying."  
  
Crichton looked thoughtful. "Unless there's some alien critter inhabiting people's bodies. We had that one time with Chiana and Pilot."  
  
"Why would this hypothetical alien wish to harm Scorpius?" Crais asked, sceptically.  
  
Crichton threw up his hands. "I don't know. Why does every critter we meet want to kill us? Random violent tendencies. Hates Scarrans. It's an explanation Crais...unless you prefer to believe that your girlfriend or nephew has been role-playing Lizzie Borden."  
  
"Until we have more evidence, we cannot attempt an explanation."  
  
"So what do we do? Just wait until whatever it is decides to waste someone else?" Crichton asked in disbelief.  
  
"Unfortunately," Crais said, "yes."  
  
***  
  
Crichton squinted through the dim light. "Aeryn, baby, what ya doing here?"  
  
Aeryn moved slowly towards the bed, as Crichton tried to wake up. Not that having Aeryn in his quarters wasn't a good thing, she just didn't usually turn up in the middle of the sleep cycle.  
  
"Is something wrong with Moya? Did we hit something?"  
  
Aeryn voice, low and frighteningly calm, came through the darkness. "It is the cause, it is the cause. I will serve the cause, assist the righteous, destroy the unworthy. It is the cause."  
  
The hairs on the back of Crichton's neck stood up. As she moved closer, he caught a glimpse of something shining in a ray of starlight.   
  
Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he hit his comm badge as he jumped out of bed.  
  
"Crais, D'Argo, Chiana, anybody! I think I found the critter! It's in my quarters, in Aeryn. I could be wrong...but I'm pretty sure that it wants to kill me."  
  
Aeryn lunged towards him and Crichton swiftly dodged the blade she held. Grabbing her arms from behind, he managed to wrestle it from her hand. Whatever this thing was, it didn't seem to have total control of Aeryn's body yet. If it had, he might not have been able to overpower it.  
  
Aeryn crumpled to the floor when he disarmed her, in a dead faint. Throwing the knife onto the bed, he knelt down beside her as she came round.  
  
"Crichton...why am I here?" she asked, looking dazed and disoriented.  
  
Crichton pulled her to a sitting position and cradled her in his arms. "I think you had the critter in you," he replied.  
  
"There is definitely something on board then?"  
  
"It sure looks like it."  
  
Crais, D'Argo, Chiana and Jool chose that moment to burst through the door. How they had all managed to get there at the same time Crichton couldn't fathom, but at that moment it didn't seem to matter.  
  
"It's okay," he said, holding up one hand. "Crisis over. It's gone."  
  
"Is it dead?" D'Argo asked, looking around.  
  
"I couldn't kill it," Crichton said. "It was in Aeryn. I didn't see anything when it left her either, she just fainted."  
  
D'Argo growled. "Another one."  
  
"I don't think this thing is like the energy riders that were in Chiana and Pilot, this one seems to have a bigger purpose than just thumbing a lift. It kept going on about 'it is the cause, destroy the unworthy, help the righteous'. You know, this is sounding really like this episode of Red Dwarf I saw, and that it *not* good. Although they did kill the bad guy in the end...but that's not the point. This is bad people."  
  
"What was it like, having that thing inside your body?" Jool asked, curiously.  
  
"I don't remember anything," Aeryn replied, still a little confused. "I don't know how I got here."  
  
"Which would explain why neither Talyn nor Carma remember attacking Scorpius," Crichton said to Crais. "And it means that neither of them was lying."  
  
Crais nodded. "I was certain that it could not have been either of them."  
  
"It's good you're learning to trust people," Crichton said. "But we still have a problem here. Whatever this thing is, it wants to kill *us* and we don't know how to kill *it*."  
  
"Until we can find a solution," Crais said, slipping into captain mode, "we should be armed at all times. In case of...incident, the aim must be to disable and not to destroy whomever it is controlling."  
  
"Jool, get yourself a weapon," Crichton said. Then, as an after thought. "But don't kill anyone with it."  
  
Jool rolled her eyes.  
  
***  
  
"So what's happening?" Carma asked, as soon as Crais returned to his quarters.  
  
Crais looked up in surprise. "You are back again."  
  
"With everything that's going on, I thought that Talyn would be safer in his own body," Carma said. "And...I miss it. Not that being in Talyn isn't incredible, but it's good to be me again for a while. So, as I said, what's happening?"  
  
Crais sat down beside her. "We have determined that there is an alien creature on board. It appears to have the ability to possess people at will and it intends to kill at least Crichton and Scorpius, if not all of us, in pursuit of a 'cause'."  
  
Carma looked back at him. "Fabulous," she said. "Just another creature wanting us dead, nothing to worry about."  
  
"We will find it and deal with it."  
  
Carma shifted on the bed. "You think that this thing took control of me...and tried to kill Scorpius?"  
  
"Unless you have any other explanation."  
  
She shook her head. "It makes sense. Does it have any kind of after-effects?"  
  
"It occupied Aeryn, who seems to have experienced dizziness after the event."  
  
Carma nodded. "That explains it. I knew I didn't feel right. Anyway...how do we kill it?"  
  
Crais hesitated. "We have not determined that as yet."  
  
Carma groaned and lay back. "This just keeps getting better and better. So, not only do I have to worry about anyone of you coming at me with a gun, I also can't kill whatever's doing this. Or get rid of it. Or do anything except try to stay alive. You really should have told me about this stuff when you invited me to come with you."  
  
"Would you still have come?"  
  
Carma gave him a weak smile. "The worst part is...I would have."  
  
"You do not...regret your decision then?"  
  
"Not when you kiss me."  
  
He needed no other invitation.  
  
***  
  
One solar day later, Crichton called a meeting in Moya's command. The crew appeared one by one, many nursing injuries and giving their companions dirty looks. Even Scorpius was there, still heavily chained and in a foul mood. Being the only one unable to defend himself from attacks was not making his life easy. It was a small comfort that there had been no actual casualties.  
  
"So," Crichton began, squinting slightly through his black eye and cradling his sprained wrist close to his chest, "we've made some progress."  
  
Seven pairs of eyes gave him looks of mixed disbelief and contempt.  
  
"We have!" Crichton insisted. "We've determined who it's after. It wants Scorpius and it wants me. We don't actually know why...but that's a start."  
  
The looks continued.  
  
"Hey, I have been attacked by practically everyone on this ship. If I can stay optimistic, the least you can do is support me on this!"  
  
"Fine, John," Aeryn said. "What do you suggest we do?"  
  
Crichton put his head in one hand. "I don't know, okay. I'd suggest a couple of bodyguards, but they'd just turn around and try to kill us too. We'll just have to wait until it makes some kind of mistake."  
  
"What if that happens after you're dead?" Aeryn asked, flatly.  
  
"Do you have a better idea?" Crichton demanded. "Coz I'd love to hear it if you do."  
  
"Fine, John. We will just wait...until you die or it makes a mistake, whichever comes first."  
  
"Alright," Crichton said, looking around at everyone. "Now, it can only occupy one person at a time, right? So if we all stay here together, the others can protect me...and Scorpy...whoever it's in. Agreed?"  
  
"Agreed," was the general chorus, albeit somewhat reluctant.  
  
They waited.  
  
"I don't think it wants to attack while we're in a group," Crichton said, after an arn.  
  
"Excellent. So we will remain here until we all reach the end of our lifespans and that will solve the problem," Crais replied, a distinct edge of sarcasm in his tone.  
  
"I'm just saying that it's progress. Maybe if we stay here long enough it will get bored and go away."  
  
They waited some more.  
  
"I'm bored," Jool said, after another half arn, "can I go now?"  
  
"Nobody goes until we fix this," Crichton said firmly.  
  
"Just because it's trying to kill you," Jool muttered.  
  
Suddenly, D'Argo rose.  
  
"Uh-oh," Crichton said, "here we go."  
  
He didn't get any further, D'Argo's tongue knocking him out before he had time to duck. He fell to the floor. D'Argo pulled out his qualta blade and prepared to finish him off. Aeryn quickly grabbed it and managed to wrestle it from him. In a microt D'Argo fell to the floor and Aeryn was advancing on Crichton instead. Crais pulled the weapon from her hands and threw it aside before the creature had the chance to jump again, as Aeryn also lost consciousness. It jumped to Jool, who went after the blade. Carma snatched it from her grasp, but didn't get rid of it quick enough. Jool crumpled in a heap and the creature jumped again. Carma's eyes glazed over and she fell backwards onto the floor. Her body began to convulse as the others watched, not knowing what was happening or how to help her. Suddenly a flash of light seemed to flare from her body and she stopped moving. After a microt, she sat up.  
  
Crais and Chiana, the only ones still wholly conscious, had weapons pointed at her. The others were slowly struggling to their feet.  
  
"It's okay," Carma said, looking a little dazed, "it's gone."  
  
"What the blitz happened?" Chiana demanded.  
  
Carma shook her head. "I'm not sure exactly, but I think that it couldn't possess me and Talyn at the same time. That left one of us able to fight it. We threw it out and it couldn't survive that."  
  
"What on Earth was it after?" Crichton asked.  
  
"That part I got," Carma said. "Wormholes. You've got knowledge it wanted destroyed."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Carma shrugged. "No idea."  
  
"Damn wormholes, my whole life is screwed up by wormholes," Crichton muttered.  
  
"Are you alright?" Crais asked, reaching out a hand to pull Carma to her feet.  
  
"Yeah," Carma said, accepting his hand, "I'm good. A little dizzy, but nothing serious. I think I'll go back to Talyn and rest though."  
  
"Would you like me to accompany you?"  
  
"No, I'll be fine. I can fly a transport pod okay."  
  
She headed out of command, leaving the others behind.   
  
"Hey, it made a mistake and I'm still alive," Crichton said, rubbing his throbbing head. "Finally, a happy ending."  
  
"Yes," Crais replied, somewhat relieved. Then a thought struck him and his face paled. "Except...that Carma said it couldn't possess her successfully...because of her link with Talyn."  
  
Crichton looked confused for a moment before he caught Crais' meaning and his eyes widened. "Which means...that when she attacked Scorpius...."  
  
Crais nodded grimly. "That was not the result of the creature's influence."  
  
They both looked in the direction she had left. Crichton whistled under his breath.  
  
"Oh frell." 


	6. Dead Calm

Chapter 6: Dead calm  
  
"This is ridiculous and I'm not going to discuss it."  
  
Carma rolled onto her other side, turning her back on Crais.  
  
"We require an answer," Crais said quietly.  
  
"Well, I don't have one for you," Carma said, exasperated. "I didn't try to kill Scorpius. End of discussion. I expect you to trust me, or at least wait until I don't feel so frelling awful to interrogate me."  
  
"Are you unwell?" Crais asked, concerned.  
  
Carma sighed, rolling onto her back and turning her head back to face him. "After effects of...whatever it was. Is it me, or is it really hot in here?"  
  
"I am not uncomfortable."  
  
"It is me," Carma said, pulling off her jacket and throwing it on the floor. "Anyway, as I said, this is still ridiculous. There is absolutely no logical reason why I would want to kill him and I wouldn't try to even if I did. You *do* realise how ridiculous this is, don't you?"  
  
"Yes," Crais answered, "but I have no other explanation."  
  
Carma groaned. "We'll figure it out later, I promise. Right now, I have to take a cold shower. Why won't Talyn turn down the temperature?"  
  
Crais himself had just begun to feel thankful that he was wearing his jacket. "The temperature is already below optimum," he answered, his brow furrowing in concern.  
  
Carma shrugged that off and headed to the shower, pulling off her t-shirt as she walked. For the first time Crais noticed an odd marking, like a tattoo, on her upper back. Before he could question her about it, she disappeared into the bathroom. Dismissing it, he returned to wondering what had happened before.  
  
***  
  
"So, what did she say?" Crichton asked.  
  
"That it was ridiculous that she would attack Scorpius."  
  
"Which is true," Crichton sighed, "but doesn't help us. It was either her or Talyn and they both deny it. There's no way of knowing what happened unless one of them admits it."  
  
"I believe that she was not involved," Crais said firmly.   
  
Crichton half-smiled. "Great, now you're being the trusting one and making me look paranoid. Did she give you a personality transplant or something?"  
  
"Apparently," Crais answered, not smiling. "However, I suggest that we remain vigilant, in case it occurs again."  
  
"You think she'd agree to be fitted with a tracking device or something?"  
  
"I will...make the suggestion. In the meantime, I see nothing else that can be done," Crais said, moving to leave.  
  
Crichton nodded vaguely as Crais left, then leant his head on his hands. "Damn," he muttered. "There's never anything that can be done."  
  
***  
  
Crais found Carma working out in Moya's exercise room. Her combat skills, already surprisingly good for a civilian, had improved dramatically since she'd come aboard. He'd discovered early that the best way to resolve an argument with her was to wear them both out until neither cared who had been right.  
  
She looked hot, he noticed. Her face was red, glowing from exertion, and her forehead was damp with sweat. She was beating the punch-bag senseless, as if her goal were to break through it. Her breathing was heavy and she'd obviously been at this for some time.  
  
"Carma," he said, slowly approaching her. Receiving no answer, he reached out a hand to her shoulder. She spun quickly and, using a move he'd taught her, flipped him off his feet. He fell hard onto his back, momentarily winded. A brief glance at her glassy-eyed expression told him she wasn't playing with him. He grabbed her waist as she tried to straddle him and flipped her over his shoulders. She hit the floor with a grunt and didn't try to get up. Moving to his feet, he gripped her arm firmly and pulled her to her feet. Her eyes had focused more, but the heat radiating from her body almost made him drop her again.  
  
"Bialar," she whispered, as if she hadn't quite realised that it was him before that moment, "I feel so...."  
  
Her knees buckled, Crais only just caught her. Inwardly cursing himself for not realising that there was something seriously wrong, he hauled her limp body into his arms and headed for the medilab. With difficulty, he managed to activate his comms as he moved.  
  
"Jool," he said, remarkably calmly, "please meet us in the medilab immediately."  
  
***  
  
Crais paced up and down outside the medilab door. Jool had brought Carma round quickly enough, taken steps to cool her down and performed a series of scans. Then she'd raised an eyebrow, given him a sideways glance that he couldn't read and suggested to Carma that she might like Crais to wait outside. Crais, who had confidently expected Carma to tell Jool that that was not necessary, had been surprised - and none too pleased - when Carma had agreed. He had a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling.  
  
Carma herself, at that moment, was in a state of complete shock. She hadn't spoken a word since Jool had told her the results of her scans, and that had been rather more than a few microts ago. Jool, not known for her saint-like patience, gave up waiting for Carma to respond and decided to send Crais in anyway. She had a feeling she didn't want to be there when the shock wore off.  
  
Crais started when the door opened and Jool came out. He looked at her expectantly. "You can go in now," Jool said. Crais nodded and took a step towards the door. "Good luck," Jool added, grinning at him in a way that worried Crais intensely. She was gone before he could query it though, so he approached the medilab with trepidation.  
  
His presence instantly brought Carma out of her catatonic state. She jumped off the medibed, still not looking completely secure on her feet, and advanced on him. "You frelnik!" she swore loudly at him. "How could you frelling do this to me?!"  
  
"Do what?" Crais asked, now thoroughly confused and no less worried. "What is the matter?"  
  
"The matter, Captain Catastrophe, is that I am pregnant!" Carma fumed.  
  
This being the first time in his life that Crais had ever been on the receiving end of those words, he would have liked to have spent a short time in a state of shock himself. Unfortunately, Carma robbed him of the opportunity by taking a slug at him.  
  
"I say again, how could you do this to me?" Carma demanded, doing a frighteningly good impression of a raging bull. "I assume you do have a contraceptive implant? Is it too much to ask that you might think to have it *checked* once in a while?"  
  
"It is perfectly active," Crais answered, still trying to fully grasp the situation.  
  
"Oh, it's perfectly active, is it?" Carma screamed. "Well then why am I standing here telling you that I'm pregnant?! I have an implant too, you know. The odds of this happening are infinitesimal! But look who I'm talking too. Bialar Crais, the man who always beats the odds. Was there, oh I don't know, ANY other thing you could have applied this to? You couldn't take up gambling? Save a civilisation or two with daredevil stunts? No, instead you have to *ruin* my life!"  
  
"The responsibility is not entirely mine," Crais said, astonishment partly turning to anger. "And, I assure you, it was not intentional."  
  
Carma rolled her eyes. "Oh that's a great comfort, Crais."  
  
"I am as shocked by this as you are!" Crais exclaimed. "It does not help that you are accusing me of deliberately plotting this against your will. You are behaving completely irrationally."  
  
"I know I'm behaving irrationally, Crais," Carma shot back, anger threatening to turn into tears. "I'm shocked and I'm scared and I now have *three* people fighting over my body and I don't know what to do." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I never wanted children, Crais. Giving them up to be a carer was supposed to be this incredible big deal, but I never worried about it. I didn't want it then, I don't want it now, especially not with...."  
  
She didn't finish her sentence, so Crais filled in the blank. "Especially not...with me," he said quietly. He wasn't corrected.  
  
Crais cleared his throat. "It is obvious...that you need some time alone," he said, keeping his voice steady. "I will...leave you now."  
  
He turned and strode out of the medilab. Carma sat back down on the medibed and burst into tears.  
  
***  
  
"So, uh, Pilot said that you wanted to stay here..." Crichton said, leaning on the door frame awkwardly. "You and Crais have a fight?"  
  
Carma shook her head, not looking at him as she made up the bed in her guest quarters. "I had a fight, he didn't do anything," she said quietly.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Carma turned round at that and looked right at him. "Oh well, let's see. I told him...that I'm pregnant."  
  
Crichton's mouth fell open.  
  
"I also," Carma said, raising her eyes upwards, "told him that I didn't want the baby, that he'd ruined my life. I insulted him and told him...that he wasn't good enough to be the father of my child."  
  
Crichton whistled under his breath. "That's...pretty harsh," he said, still stunned. "I guess he's...well, furious."  
  
Carma shook her head. "No, he's not furious. It would be all right if he were furious. He'd be mad, then he'd get over it and we'd be fine. I...I hurt him. I don't think he's ever going to want to see me again...and I deserve it."  
  
"I'm sure...." Crichton trailed off. He'd started to say that he was sure they'd work it out. But if anyone had said that to him....  
  
"I'm sure you can stay here as long as you want to," he said lamely. They both knew that wasn't what he had started to say.  
  
Carma nodded, turning around as the door closed behind him. The feelings of despair that for a short, blissful time had been a thing of the past were washing over her again. She reached round to the back of her neck and removed her transponder. Talyn didn't need to feel this. She shut off the lights and slowly undressed, then stretched out on the bed. Her mind was on the man that an arn ago she'd never wanted to see again. It seemed that she would get her wish.  
  
***  
  
"You can't!" Jool exclaimed, utterly shocked.  
  
"It's a termination, Jool. People do it every day."  
  
"That doesn't make it right!" Jool insisted, staring at Carma like she'd declared she wanted to murder Pilot to make a dinner jacket.  
  
"Yeah well," Carma said grimly, "it's a lot easier to take the moral high ground when it's not you."  
  
"You're talking about taking a life!"  
  
"It's not a life, Jool, it's a parasite that's frelling with my body, my mind and my life. I don't want it."  
  
"How can you not want it?" Jool asked.  
  
Carma stared at her. "What do you mean, 'how can I not want it'? Not every woman wants children, you know. And are you really telling me *you'd* want to raise a child living this lifestyle?"  
  
"Even if you don't want to keep it, you could find someone else to look after it," Jool pointed out.  
  
"Where?" Carma asked, looking at Jool like she was mad. "It's a half-breed. I'm sorry to shatter your rosy view of the world, but it's not just the Peacekeepers who would want to get rid of it. It's better off this way."  
  
"Don't you think you should take a bit more time to decide?" Jool asked, trying again. "You haven't even known about this for a solar day. You might change your mind."  
  
"I won't."  
  
"Well, I won't do it," Jool declared resolutely. "I don't care what you say, I still think it's wrong and I won't be involved. You'll have to find someone else."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"I don't know," Jool said. "I don't know who, I don't know where and I don't know how you'll get the currency. And I don't care. If you insist on doing this then you'll do it alone."  
  
She got up and stalked out. Carma watched her go. She slammed her fist down on the nearest console. "Frell!"  
  
***  
  
Crais hadn't seen anyone since he'd spoken with Carma the day before. Well, that wasn't quite true, Talyn had been making soothing sounds from above him. It was one of the times when Crais was glad of the absence of the transponder. There were some things that Talyn didn't need to share.  
  
He got angry. That was what he did. He got angry and he got revenge. He held grudges. And suddenly he couldn't do it. He couldn't get angry. He didn't feel angry. He'd only felt like this once before in his life, after the humiliation he had suffered at Aeryn's hands on Valldon. Only this was worse. He felt hurt and bruised and tired. He didn't even have the strength to hate that.  
  
That experience had killed his last thoughts of Aeryn as a potential partner. He could still look on her as a colleague, someone he respected, but he couldn't love her...if he ever had. The worst part of this was that it hadn't killed his feelings for Carma. He still loved her, regardless of anything she said or did.  
  
Crais sighed. When had he gotten to be so foolish?  
  
***  
  
Carma slowly sorted through Jool's collection of medicines, her heart heavy. Eventually she found what she was looking for. Settling herself on the medibed she took a deep breath and opened the bottle. She took a last glance around her and took a long swig of the contents. Then she lay back and waited.  
  
At the very least, this would solve all her problems.  
  
***  
  
"How far along is she?" Crichton asked, curiously, as he and Jool walked along the corridor.  
  
"Not long. Only a weeken, maybe less."  
  
"A weeken?!" Crichton exclaimed, stupefied. "How on Earth can you tell she's pregnant after only a weeken?"  
  
Jool looked at him strangely. "Teraxian pregnancies only last four monens and most of that is growth. The first monen is extremely active so the effects are seen quickly. Some mothers notice them within a solar day, especially if it's a multiple birth."  
  
"A weeken," Crichton said to himself, stunned "or a solar day? Imagine that, you get home from a great date. The next day, she calls you. Hi, had a great time and oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. Damn, the guys on her planet must have a lot of heart attacks."  
  
Jool grinned. "Sebaceans are the same you know, John. And some other species have even shorter gestation periods. How long is it for your species?"  
  
"What? Oh, about nine monens."  
  
"Nine monens?" Jool asked, amazed. "That's ridiculous. How can it take so long to produce such an inferior species?"  
  
"Thanks Jool," Crichton said wryly.  
  
"And it makes no evolutionary sense," Jool continued. "A pregnant female is vulnerable. Why would you want to extend the pregnancy?"  
  
"Enough of the biology lessen," Crichton said, impatiently. "Do you want to come and see this star cluster or not?"  
  
"I just have to stop by the lab," Jool replied. "I left my viewing goggles there. Are you coming?"  
  
Crichton sighed. "Yeah, fine, just don't take too long about it. At this rate the stars will all have died before we get there."  
  
Jool gave him one of her patented intellectually-superior looks. "It is highly unlikely," she replied.  
  
Crichton rolled his eyes and followed her into the lab.  
  
He heard Jool squeal a microt before he saw Carma. She was unconscious, lying on the medibed. They both rushed to her side.  
  
"Frell, what did she do?" Crichton said.  
  
Jool picked up the bottle lying beside her. "Oh no," she said, almost dropping the bottle as her fingers went numb.  
  
"What did she take?" Crichton demanded. "Do we need to pump her stomach?"  
  
"We can't pump her stomach because we don't have anything to pump it with!" Jool exclaimed. "The only thing we can do is try to make her sick. But I don't know if it will be enough."  
  
"Well what do you have that will do that?" Crichton asked urgently, trying to find a pulse. To his relief, he found a weak one.  
  
Jool, in a panic, scrabbled through her collection. After what felt like an arn she found the bottle she was looking for.  
  
"Pull her into a sitting position," she ordered. Crichton obeyed, supporting her with difficulty. Jool forced her mouth open and poured some of the blue liquid down her throat. For a microt they waited, holding their breath, then Carma threw up. She coughed violently until Jool gave her more of the medicine, which made her sick again. When she had finished, she looked at them with glassy eyes.  
  
"What the hell were you trying to do?" Crichton demanded, worry turning to anger. "You nearly killed yourself!"  
  
"Crichton...." Jool started.  
  
"And you scared us to death!" Crichton added. "Don't ever do that again."  
  
"Crichton!" Jool said, more urgently.  
  
"What?" he asked, fists clenched.  
  
"That's what she was trying to do," Jool said quietly, looking at the semi-conscious Carma.  
  
"What?" Crichton asked.  
  
"The drug she took wouldn't cause abortion, I don't have anything here that would do that. Crichton..." Jool said, helplessly "she tried to kill herself."  
  
Crichton looked aghast. He looked down at Carma, stunned. "I thought whatever she did with Talyn and the kermit was supposed to have fixed her?"  
  
"I think it did," Jool said, pushing Carma's hair off her forehead. "It fixed the symptoms. It just...didn't fix the problem. She's been through a lot and I'm sure I only know a tiny fraction of it. This just...pushed her over the edge again."  
  
Crichton looked up. "You think we should call Crais?"  
  
Jool nodded. "I don't know if she'll want to see him, but he's the one who knows her best."  
  
"I'm not sure he'll want to see *her*," Crichton said. "It sounds like she said some pretty unforgivable things."  
  
"Like what?" Jool asked, her brow furrowed.  
  
"Like she didn't want him to be the father of her children."  
  
Jool looked stunned. "She wasn't in her right mind. He'll have to understand that."  
  
"Yeah," Crichton said, grimly. "For her sake, I hope he will." 


	7. End Of Days

Chapter 7: End of days  
  
"Where are we?" Carma asked, gazing at the unfamiliar surroundings.  
  
"Talkath's meadow," was Crais' matter-of-fact reply.  
  
"Oh," Carma said. "Why are we here?"  
  
"This is where you wanted to come."  
  
"Have I been here before?"  
  
"Of course you have. Many times."  
  
"Then why don't I remember it?"  
  
Crais surveyed the horizon. "Because you don't want to."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because this is where it all began."  
  
***  
  
"Where are we?" Carma asked, gazing at the unfamiliar surroundings.  
  
"Kelven Prime," was Crais' matter-of-fact reply.  
  
"Oh," Carma said. "Why are we here?"  
  
"Because this is the planet that Talyn located," Crais answered. "The medics here will take care of our...problem."  
  
Carma looked around at the busy passenger port. "Are we going there now?"  
  
Crais picked up the bag she had let fall to the floor and slung it over his shoulder. "Jool and I agreed that you should have some time to...recuperate, before undergoing the operation. We will be residing at one of the guest houses in the town. I suggest you follow me."  
  
He strode off. Carma nodded vacantly and trailed after him.  
  
***  
  
"This is where what all began?" Carma asked, impatient with his cryptic answers.  
  
"The end," Crais answered, turning his head to look at her.  
  
"The end of what?!" Carma asked again, exasperated.  
  
"The end, your end. The day when you started to fall into the darkness."  
  
Carma shivered uncomfortably. "This is a stupid dream."  
  
"A dream yes, stupid no."  
  
"What's the point of bringing me to a place I don't remember and going on about an 'end' that never happened?  
  
"You brought us here and it did happen. You've just tried to block it out."  
  
"Then why have I stopped blocking it now?"  
  
"Because you know you have to. It's the only way."  
  
Carma looked out over the meadow. "If there's something I'm here to see, why don't you just show it to me so we can leave?"  
  
Crais looked at her impassively. "I have no control over what you see here, I'm just a figment of your imagination."  
  
"If this is something from my past, why is Crais guiding me?"  
  
Crais looked back at her. "Because he is the only one you trust."  
  
Carma glanced at him. "Then how do I see this?"  
  
His answer was simple. "Want to."  
  
***  
  
Crais looked over at Carma. The balcony doors were open and she sat on the edge of the carpet, looking out. It felt like there was a canyon between them. She'd spent most of the last two weekens seeming as though she wasn't fully in her own body. They'd never discussed what she had done. He'd tried, as hard as it was for him to think what to say, but she'd brushed him off. Not by refusing to talk, just by refusing to be there. It was almost as if she were dead.  
  
Carma looked out over the bay. The day was beautiful, with the warm sunshine that she adored, but she hardly noticed. The past two weekens had passed in a fuzzy haze, as if they were part of a world she no longer belonged to. The day they had already spent here had passed the same way. Her head full of daydreams, never quite focusing on the life before her. There was comfort in familiarity.  
  
***  
  
"Who's that?" Crais asked, indicating the adolescent girl who had appeared.  
  
"That's me," Carma answered, "when I was about fourteen cycles old."  
  
"And who is that?" Crais asked again, now pointing to the slightly older boy with her.  
  
"That's my brother," Carma said, smiling at them in the distance.  
  
"Do you remember coming here with him?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Keep trying."  
  
***  
  
He didn't understand. Nobody understood. Jool didn't understand how she could take her child's life. Crichton didn't understand why she wanted to. Crais didn't understand anything. Carma had told him that she would never be easy for him, he'd never imagined that she had meant this. In the time he'd known her she'd turned his world upside down a dozen times. He never knew what to expect from her, couldn't predict her, couldn't understand why he didn't stop trying to keep up with her. He hated uncertainly and she'd made his world more uncertain. He ought to give up on her but, somehow, he couldn't.  
  
She still sat by the window. She spent hours there every day. Just getting her to eat was a monumental task. Crais wondered how much of her time was being spent thinking about jumping from that window. He was afraid, sincerely afraid, that it was a lot.  
  
***  
  
"I don't want to stay here any longer," Carma said, looking away.  
  
"Because you remember it now."  
  
"I don't want to remember it. He's dead now, there's no point. You shouldn't dishonour the dead."  
  
"He raped you."  
  
"I was young, I didn't know better."  
  
"Is that an excuse?"  
  
"It's a fact. And it was a long time ago."  
  
Crais nodded. "Sixty cycles," he said, matter-of-factly, "but you're still living it."  
  
"How can I be living it? I didn't even remember it until now."  
  
"Haven't you wondered why you've been acting so strangely? You, who used to want a house full of children, wanting to die rather than have just one?"  
  
"That was before I knew enough to think about it."  
  
"That was before you were pregnant the first time."  
  
"I was never pregnant before."  
  
"Oh, no?"  
  
***  
  
"Would you like to go out into the town?" Crais asked, after four solar days of almost total silence between them.  
  
Carma gave the vacant nod he'd seen so much of lately and got up. Mindful of the windy weather, he handed her her jacket. She pulled it on absently and waited for him to lead the way. Crais sighed inwardly. He was beginning to wonder if she would ever come back to him.  
  
***  
  
"I was never pregnant before!"  
  
"We need a change of scenery," Crais said abruptly. The meadow disappeared and Carma found herself in the dark, dirty streets of the city. Definitely not a nice part of town.  
  
"You found out you were pregnant. You couldn't tell anyone, because then they'd know what your brother had done. You couldn't go to the medical centre, because they'd tell your parents. You had to come here. No anaesthetic, no after-care. You caught an infection. You nearly died because you didn't dare tell anyone that you were sick. Then one day your father took you to the rescue centre where he worked. You fainted when you went to get something to eat. One of the carers there found you, gave you medicine and promised not to tell anyone. That's why you became a carer, although you don't remember that, do you? And because it meant that you had an excuse never to have children, or let any man near you again."  
  
Crais looked sideways at her. "You know that that's why you've been acting this way. If you hadn't wanted children that would have been fair enough, but you've just been running from the memories. You pushed Crais away as long as you could before you finally let him in and now he's crossed a line you didn't want crossed. Bringing up parts of the past you wanted to keep hidden."  
  
He looked up at the sky, which suddenly went blue. When Carma looked around again, she was standing on a green hill, watching Crais and herself.  
  
"That's your present," Crais said, now standing beside her. "And your future. No matter how hard you try to resist, things are finally going right for you. You just have to let them."  
  
"What do I have to do?"  
  
"Scream, cry, do whatever you want. Just...forgive yourself. And stop pushing the good away. Look at him," Crais said, turning her to look at the real Crais, who was watching the real Carma.  
  
"You keep trying to lose him and eventually you will. You could be good together, you know that? It's never an accident when people like you find each other. It's the universe trying to make two forest fires calm to warm a village. You've got a lot of good to give each other, if you try."  
  
Carma nodded, watching her real self staring out into the valley below her, wind whipping through her hair.  
  
"Scream," Crais said.  
  
"What?"   
  
"Scream. Take a first step, let some of it out."  
  
He disappeared into the air, before she had a chance to say anything else. Carma looked around, feeling stupid even though no-one could see her. Concentrating on opening her mind, she let the memories she had just seen played out flood through her mind. Then she opened her mouth and began to scream. Long and loud she screamed, letting her head fall back and her eyes close. At first she felt nothing, but then she felt the wind began to whip past her body and then a rushing sensation. When she opened her eyes again, the scream over, she was back in her body. She looked down into the valley from her own eyes, seeing it for the first time. She noticed how close she was to the edge and took a step backwards, raising one hand and placing it on her stomach.  
  
The first step at least, even though she wasn't sure where it might lead. She stood there for a while longer, not thinking, just being in the moment again. Then she turned slowly. Crais was standing at a distance from her, looking out to the sea on the other side of the hill. A smile slowly began to creep over her face. Slowly, she walked over to him.  
  
Crais felt the touch of her hand before he heard her say his name. Relief at just seeing her behind her eyes was enough to bring a smile to his face. She stood, a little awkwardly, wanting to move into his arms but not sure of what the reaction would be. Crais sensed her uncertainty and slowly pulled her into his embrace. She pulled his head down to hers and their lips met in a gentle kiss.  
  
"Bialar," she said, when he released her, looking into his eyes, "I want to go home."  
  
"To the guest house?" Crais asked.  
  
Carma shook her head. "Home, Talyn."  
  
"But we are not finished here."  
  
"Yes we are," Carma said simply. "Unless you want to stay."  
  
"No," Crais answered, the worry of the last two weekens suddenly lifting. "I do not."  
  
"Then we're ready to go home," Carma said, smiling at him. Taking his hand, she laid it on her belly, where their child had just begun to move. "All three of us."  
  
FIN 


End file.
